i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
