She is in my trunk
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
