He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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