Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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