My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
These tits shall not be calmed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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