I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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