bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Couch. On fire.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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