mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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