Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
