So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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