bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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