Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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