he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It was confusing and full of hummus
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
