hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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