had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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