I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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