i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
time to smoke my breakfast
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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