I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
