I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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