I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
