I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
