Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
