don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
