Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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