i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
