So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
