I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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