i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
