If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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