the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
