if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
