Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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