Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
