dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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