5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
