I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
