He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
