I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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