I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
