i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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