the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
