I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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