I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
