I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
