he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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