Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
