Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
