i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How external is "for external use only"?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
