We won't sleep together?
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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