you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize