The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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