hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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