Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
