I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
