you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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