Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
