dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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