I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
