Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
