Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The struggles of a small town man whore
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
