he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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