I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
