So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
