do herpes really smell.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
