WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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