Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
