is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
