I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
