please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
