No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize